Preschool, Week 3, God Made the Sun

Bible Story/lesson: Genesis 1: God created the sun, moon, and stars

Shape: circle
Letter: C
Number: 3
Color: yellow
Book: One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish

Bible Lesson

This week, our Bible study focused on creation day 4: God created the sun, moon, and stars. Cohen has really enjoyed his Bible study, and he is doing a great job remembering the lessons. He loves to tell anyone who will listen what God made on certain days. He's still having a little trouble remembering the first part of his Bible verse (Genesis 1:1): he just won't say "In the beginning", but we're still working on it. He can also "read" the first few creation days from his Bible.

After we read the Bible on Tuesday, we created the Day 4 page for our Creation Book. I cut out a yellow circle, and we discussed its shape and color, and then I let him glue it to the paper. Afterwards, I asked him to draw yellow lines around the sun. We did the same for the moon, and then I gave him a bottle of silver glitter glue and let him put dots on the paper for stars. I discovered on this day that Cohen loves to use glitter glue. 

Wednesday, we got the glitter glue out again and made another sun and moon. This craft was originally supposed to become a mobile, but we were just a little too squirmy to see it through :)

Letter

We learned about the letter C this week. Cohen's favorite activity was creating this letter animal for our alphabet book. My goal for learning the alphabet this year has always been to just have him be able to identify each letter when he sees them. So far, he's doing well with that. I am also teaching him the sounds that each letter makes, but that's hit and miss. He gets that letters make sounds, but he's not quite matching them up yet. I hear a lot of ah ah ah caterpillar. 

Shape and Color

Our color of the week was yellow, which is a color that Cohen sometimes has trouble with. He confuses it with orange, which I can totally understand. So we spent a little extra time looking at and learning about yellow. We went on a color hunt around the playroom, and Cohen flashed his flashlight on anything in the room he saw that was yellow. He loves this game and will go on color hunts on his own throughout the day.

The shape of the week was circle. We took some time on Tuesday to learn about how to shape circles by playing with Play Doh. We rolled out the Play Doh and then shaped them into lines, circles, the letter B and the letter C. He had a lot of fun with this project, but it was a challenge for him.

Book

This week we "read" the book One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish. And by "read" I mean we watched a Youtube video of people reading the book. We didn't have time to get to the library to check out the actual book, and I thought this would be a total fail, but Cohen actually really liked watching other people read to him. In fact, after we watched the One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish video, he asked to watch 3 more books. We also made our own blue fish by cutting strips of construction paper and gluing them onto a fish. Cohen was thrilled to have complete control of his scissors and the glue. He did a great job with this craft.

Preschool Week 2: And God Made ...

Bible Story/lesson: Genesis 1: God created land and plants
Shape: Line
Letter: B
Number: 2
Color: blue
Book: If You Give A Pig A Pancake

Bible Lesson

First off, let me just say that I am impressed on a daily basis by this boy's brain. I truly underestimated his brain's capacity to learn, but he is proving me each wrong minute by minute. His recall ability is second to none, and he loves to talk about last week's lessons, particularly when it's dark around us. Cohen loves to tell us, "God said, 'Let there be light!' and He turned the light on!"

This week, we continued working on our Bible verse, Genesis 1:1. Somewhere along the lines, he got a little lazy and dropped In the beginning, so I am having to remind him that that is part of the verse, too. We focused on Creation Day 3 this week, talking about how God created dry land and plants.

On Tuesday, we used construction paper and glue to make the third page in our Creation Book. Cohen is showing a huge interest in using scissors, but he's also left handed and the only pair of safety scissors the Dollar Tree sells is for right handed kids. So that has been quite frustrating to him.

On Wednesday, we painted cupcake liners to represent the beautiful flowers that God created. Cohen really surprised me with this craft: he was completely independent. We used this as a lesson on our shape of the week: lines, and he took off with his little marker making lines for the flowers' stems. Then he drew circles for the leaves and glued on the flowers. This was the first all-Cohen activity he's done.


Letter

We worked on the letter B this week. First, we made the B  page of our alphabet book. We cut out the letter B and talked about how it makes the beh beh beh sound. Then we talked about words that start with the beh beh beh sound. Like beh beh beh bumble bee. And beh beh beh balloon. I cut out paper and he glued to turn his letter into a bumble bee.

I think this is going well. He gets the concept that letters make sounds, but he can't quite match them up yet. He'll say, "Ah ah ah apple. Ah ah ah ant. Ah ah ah bear." I just correct him and more on. I hope it'll click for him as we practice more and introduce more letters and sounds.

A few weeks ago, I bought a little alphabet workbook for us to work through. It may be for kids a bit older than him, but I think with my guidance, he can do well with it. I know his motor skills aren't there yet for him to actually write letters, but I don't see the harm in tracing and practicing, so that's what we do. For the B page, I showed him that a B is just a line with two circles and let him practice. Pretty good for a two year old!


Book
We read If You Give A Pig A Pancake this week, and while the lack of story infuriated me more and more each time we read it, Cohen really liked this book. What I did like is how rich and detailed the illustrations were. They allowed Cohen to use his imagination and tell me what's going on in the story.

We used a variety of pink circles to create a pig of our own. Cohen really likes making characters of his own. It's fun to give him a shape and tell him what it is ("This is the pig's nose") and watch him figure out where it's supposed to go in the picture. And check out that circle work! This boy is becoming a circle pro.

Doing It Right

Dear Me,

You are the kind of person who will make yourself your own worst enemy. There is nothing negative anyone can say to you that you haven't already told yourself 15 times. You beat yourself up and have very little self-confidence. You try to trust your instincts, but there's a little voice in your head that keeps telling you that you're not as smart as people around you, so many times, you doubt yourself. I'm reminding you of this in hopes that you will shove your pride away and acknowledge that I am right and will listen to me for a second.

You are doing it right.

That's not something you let yourself hear very often, and you never give yourself that kind of encouragement. But right now, that's exactly what you need to hear. Over and over again. You're doing it right. You're doing it right. You're doing it right. Today I'm talking about Reid -- it has been a difficult weekend for you, and you are really doubting your parenting abilities. He cries whenever you put him down. He cries when someone else holds him. He acts like he is always starving. He acts very different than Cohen did at this age. Trust your instincts: you're doing it right.

Out of concern, people say you are spoiling him by holding him whenever he cries. They warn you that you're setting yourself up to have a clingy baby; that he'll be difficult because he only wants you. Remind yourself that newborns can't be spoiled. He cries because he has needs, and he is depending on you to take care of those needs. And sometimes babies just need to be held. Hold your baby. You're doing it right.

Some people, when they see how hungry Reid has been acting lately, will wonder aloud if maybe he's getting enough milk, even though you are feeding him around the clock. They probably have the best intentions, but you take that to mean that your body isn't doing its job and is failing to nourish your baby. When those thoughts arise, shut them up immediately. Your baby and your body are doing exactly what they're supposed to be doing. Reid is telling your body that he is starting to need more milk than what you've previously produced. He eats constantly to make your body produce more milk. Don't doubt yourself, don't doubt your body, and don't doubt your baby. He is gaining weight fabulously and makes many wet and dirty diapers a day. He's getting enough to eat. You're doing it right.

It's easy to compare your children, to note that Cohen was a much easier baby than Reid, but don't do it. Don't listen to anyone who might make you feel like Reid is not as "good" of a baby as Cohen was simply because he is needier. All babies are different, even those that share DNA. Some babies are needier than others, and that's OK. Hold your baby; love your baby; appreciate your baby. He'll only be a baby for such a short amount of time, and pretty soon, he'll break your heart because he won't need you at all.

And remember, you felt this same anxiety as a first-time mom. You doubted yourself. You  wondered if you were failing on a daily basis. But look at your first baby: look at how smart and well-adjusted and happy and perfect he is. Keep your head up, momma, you're doing it right.

(I mean, look. Your 2 year old is singing praise songs in church. How much more proof do you need that you're doing it right?!)

Initial Thoughts on Being a Mom of Two

It's been 9 days since Reid came into our lives. These past 9 days have been all about surviving and readjusting and learning. Here are the highlights:

1. Cohen. Something happened the moment Reid was born. Cohen became a two year old. He's heavier and his skin became a little rougher and his legs are like logs. His diapers are huge and his clothing might as well be that of a grown man's.

It's amazing how big your first baby can seem after just a few hours of holding your new baby.

Cohen has also proven himself to be a great big brother. He's loving and gentle and always wants to help. When he first wakes up in the morning, the first thing he asks for is Baby Brother. When he gets a yummy treat, he asks to share it with Baby Brother. He assigns Reid a toy first thing every morning, and you had better make sure Reid keeps up with his toy. I've not seen any instance of jealousy ... yet. He is just genuinely happy to have his new best friend at home with him.

I have noticed him distancing himself from me, though. He used to be such a momma's boy, but now he's all about his little brother and his daddy. And it just happened overnight. The day before I went into the hospital, he would want me to kiss every little bump and scrape. Now, he rubs the hurt away and will tell me he's fine even if there are tears in his eyes. The last snuggle he gave me was the night before Reid was born.  I'll be honest: it breaks my heart. I am practically begging him to let me kiss a boo boo. I bribe him to get him to sit in my lap for 3 seconds.

2. Reid. Reid was born with "suck marks" on his hands and wrists. He nursed for 2 hours immediately after he was born. So I knew I had a sucker on my hands. But man. This boy is attached to his momma. We are nursing 24/7. A funny thing I've noticed: anyone else can hold him, and he'll be perfectly content in their arms and will readily accept a pacifier from them. But the minute he gets in my arms? He roots around and fusses and acts like he is the hungriest little boy on the planet until I either pass him off to someone else or nurse him. He makes the most sour face when I try to offer him a pacifier. It's like he knows.

He is very much a snuggly baby and does not like to be put down or left alone. While this would have bothered me when Cohen was a baby, I've learned he will only be a newborn for such a fleeting moment, so I happily hold and nurse him all day long. He's a great sleeper and will typically give me a great night's rest. He usually wakes up to eat around 3 and 6AM and tends to go right back to sleep. He hates diaper changes and sponge baths, but is the happiest little guy when I wash his hair. His umbilical cord stump fell off yesterday, so tonight he'll get a real bath, and I'm expecting him to love the warm water.

3. Life. When Cohen was a newborn, life stopped for about a month. We rarely left the house and I rarely got out of my pajamas. We slept a lot and spent most of our days just lounging around the house. This time around, I have a toddler to go with my newborn. Life does not slow down. We were at the park the day after we returned from the hospital. I try to find some excuse to get out of the house every day. Otherwise, we might go crazy. Reid seems to tolerate it well, and I am so lucky that Cohen is such a great listener out in public. He seems to know that Mom is as bit overwhelmed and needs him to be a good boy.

Travis was home with us for the first week, and it was such a lifesaver. I thought I might have a panic attack when he returned to work on Wednesday, but it really hasn't been that bad. As long as I can keep Cohen entertained and Reid nursing, this being a mom of 2 thing seems manageable. I did have my first nursing-in-public experience yesterday in the Kroger parking lot. Cohen was awesome and patient in his carseat, Reid ate to his heart's content, I got to use my neat nursing cover ... all was good. Until a man walked by and proceeded to stare at us for what seemed like ages. Even though I was completely covered, I felt so vulnerable and exposed. My goal is to nurse Reid for a year, but I'm going to have to gain some confidence because yesterday was hard.

4. Recovery. Recovery has been harder this time around. For the first four days, I was so incredibly weak. My legs were shakey, my body was sore, and my midsection felt like jello. I was so overwhelmed with the idea of feeling that way while caring for 2 children on my own. Monday morning, though, everything seemed to magically get better. Physically, I'm feeling 95% back to normal. Emotionally, it's been a longer road. The Baby Blues are hitting me pretty hard. I'm super weepy and emotional, and the frustrating part is I usually don't know why I'm crying. But sometimes I do. I am very much mourning the end of my baby-making days. As I feared during my pregnancy, I am very sad I will never be pregnant again, never have another baby. Realistically, 2 children are all I can handle and all I really want, but the end of this stage in life feels bitter. I'm praying fervently that the Lord will take these feelings away from me and that I can really, truly appreciate this life as a mother of 2.
I've given myself two weeks for the Baby Blues to pass before I call my midwife about Post Partum Depression. I never dealt with my feelings after Cohen was born, and we had a hard first 6 months as a result. This time, I refuse to do that again. There is no shame in seeking help.

Menu Planning Monday, v.17

Monday, again.

Still pregnant with a baby who seems to want to make his appearance but just can't figure it out. Hello, lots of false labor. I'm not a fan of you.

On the bright side, I enjoyed a wonderful Mother's Day weekend over the past couple days. We took my mom and grandmother out to dinner on Saturday, and then Daddy and Cohen spoiled me yesterday. Or should I say Daddy and Thor spoiled me. With the help of his new toy, Cohen has assumed a new identity.

This kid makes me sad that I spent most of my life thinking the toddler years were something to survive instead of enjoy. He's just the coolest. We have a tradition in our house: every celebration that calls for gift giving, we take Cohen to the dollar store and let him pick out anything in the store to buy for the recipient. He loves getting to choose a present and takes his responsibility very seriously. This Mother's Day, he picked out a beeeeeautiful pink lei for me. He's come a long way: at Christmas, he picked out paper plates for his grandmother.

This week, I'm going to take it slow again meal-planning wise. I just don't have it in me anymore to go all-out on dinners, and maybe just maybe all these contractions I'm having will turn into something real and we'll find ourselves in the hospital by the end of the week.

Here's what we're eating this week:

Monday

White Castle Sliders
Pasta Salad
Chips

Tuesday

Peach French Toast (Makes 2 meals -- one gets frozen for later)
Bacon
Hash browns

Wednesday

Zesty Italian Crock Pot Chicken
Green beans (Cohen's favorite veggie)
Garlic Bread

Thursday

Pizza Night -- Let's order in and enjoy a movie!
This didn't happen last week, and this girl really wants her pizza!

Friday

Kitchen's Closed! Date Night.

Saturday

Kitchen's closed

Sunday

Kitchen's Closed

Things I've Loved About Being a Mom This Year

With Mother's Day just around the corner and a new baby who is alllllllmost ready to join us, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about being a mom. About what a sacrifice and huge responsibility it is to be someone's mother, but how that job has been the best thing that's ever happened to me. It still amazes me how someone so small could change the very essence of who I am, what I value, and what I now desire in life.

Being a mom is hard work. The fears, anxieties, worries, sleepless nights, self-doubting can really take it out of me. But being Cohen's mom? Not hard at all. That little boy is such a gift, and every day I wake up to his singing and shouts of "Good Morning!" is nothing short of a blessing. He makes it all worthwhile.

It's been a good year of being a mom. Here are some of the things I've loved most about it this year:

Life Lately, in list format

1. I currently have 23 meals prepared and frozen in preparation for Little Brother's arrival. And the thing I can't understand is how I haven't spent any extra grocery money to prepare that food. Travis keeps asking me if I'm going to keep this up after life gets back to normal. I hope I can.

2. Speaking of dinners, last night's dinner was to die for. I made Chicken Spinach Cheddar burgers based off of this recipe (I modified it a bit and added a packet of ranch dressing mix) and roasted potatoes. We each ate a burger, went to church, and then came home and agreed to split the leftover burger. Even Cohen got in on the action, and he's not one to like new foods these days.

3. I think my hips are about to shatter. Whether it's from the stress of 9 months of pregnancy or the ninja moves Baby Brother does on them, I don't know. But they're screaming, I tell you.

4. I have been very diligent to appreciate and enjoy every moment of this pregnancy. I have not wished away a single day. But now? I'm real close to being done with it all. I think I've had my fill of pregnancy.

5. I had to go in for a non-stress test on Tuesday to monitor the baby. Thank goodness they weren't monitoring my stress. A tiny room + machines with lots of buttons + a 2.5 year old + a mommy who couldn't move to discipline her son = a disaster.

6. Last night, I watched all the videos I've taken of Cohen since his birth. He was such a fun baby, and I love how obvious it is in the videos how much I adore him. It also flamed the baby fever. And it made me realize that if I would have gotten pregnant with this baby when we first started trying, I would have missed so much of Cohen's babyhood. God knew what he was doing.

7. The last few days, I have been exhausted. To the point where I wake up, feed Cohen breakfast, make sure he's safe and entertained, and go back and lay in bed. And I sleep through his entire naptime. And I yawn throughout the day. On a scale of 1-10, I'm probably at a -4 at being productive.

8. My hospital bag is packed and ready to go. Inside are 2 new pair of really cute pjs and all new toiletries and supplies. Im really bad about not waiting to open and use new stuff, but so far I've been able to restrain myself. I'm so excited to get to the hospital and finally get to use all my new stuff.

9. I love to keep the baby's room open so I can peek inside every time I pass by. And I like to sort through his little clothes and all his supplies. I even have a toy box full of toys in there so Cohen can go in and play. We're all very excited about this little dude.

10. Sometimes I forget or just plain take advantage of how awesome my husband is, and I really shouldn't do that. He is one amazing man, and I'm so lucky to have him.

Toddlerhood and Love

So Cohen has entered a super fun stage of toddler-hood: arguing with everything I say. And I mean everything. I could say that his name is Cohen, and his response would be "Noooooo. My name is not Cohen, mommy!"

Sometimes it's cute in that oh he's saying it in such a playful voice kind of way. But trust me, it has a way of wearing on your very last nerve. I spend the entire day with the kid. I hear it a lot. A lot. Nooooooo, the sky is not up, Mommy! Nooooo, we're not going to the store, Mommy! Nooooooo, it's not raining, Mommy! Nooooo, that's not pasta, Mommy!

I'm developing one of those cool mom super powers that allows me to tune my kid out when he gets to be too much. It's kind of a blessing. But the daddy? His powers are a little slower to to develop, I guess. You know how when you know someone long enough and well enough that you know what they're thinking without them having to say anything? At dinner last night, while Cohen relentlessly argued with every. little. thing I or Daddy or the TV would say, I noticed my husband's neck: it was bright red. Frustrated red.

It's interesting how becoming a parent has taught me so much about who God is. As I daily learn and grow into the role of "mother," I become more aware of how much of a Father my Lord really is. And how much of a toddler I really am in my walk with the Lord.

How many times does He ask me to hold His hand, and yet I pull the other way?

How many times does He tell me one thing, and yet I argue with Him with a fiery passion?

How many times does He ask me to do something, and I throw myself down and burst into a fit of spiritual tantrums?

The answer, if you were wondering, is too many to count.

One of the things I really appreciate about Cohen is how he is growing into his own person -- becoming more independent and learning to think and do for himself. His strong will certainly does lead to very frustrating situations and many instances of disobedience, but when he chooses to respect what I say and show love towards me? It's so much sweeter. Because I know that he could choose to do what he wants, but he does what I want instead. In those moments, he is going against his self and showing love and obedience instead.

In my mind, that's the way the Lord feels toward me. He gave me a strong will, and that will mixed with my sinful nature make being disobedient and unruly very tempting and easy. But when I die to self? When I choose to do not what I want to do but what He calls me to do? I can only imagine what that does to His Father heart.

Because isn't that all He wants from me anyway: to love Him and show Him that love through my life? And through that love, everything else will fall into place. Tantrums will cease. Trust will grow. My hand will seek out His own. I mean, God gave us a lot of rules to follow, but I'm reminded that Jesus Himself highlighted the most important commandment of all: to simply love Him.

Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. (Matthew 22:37-40)

Nap Time Struggles

In the past week, I've really come to appreciate the old saying, "You don't know what you've got til it's gone." I'm talking about nap time here, and I really miss it.

2 weeks ago, I took the bottle away from Cohen. We actually just threw them all away. It was time; it was actually past time, but Cohen has never had a lovie or a pacifier or any sort of comfort item. Except his bottle. So I let him keep it for longer than I was comfortable with. But when he began to wake up every 2 hours asking for water in his bottle (and subsequently peeing outside his diaper every night), I knew enough was enough. So we got rid of the bottles cold turkey. And while we were at it, we said no more milk or water in the bed.

And now his whole bedtime world has changed, and we're paying the consequences.

Even though we give him the same amount of milk (and added in a quiet time with cuddles) before nap time, this poor kid is all out of sorts. He can be half-asleep on my lap with his empty sippy cup, but the minute I put him in his crib, he is wide awake again. Singing, jumping, dancing. Anything but sleeping.

And I let him sit in there for the entire 2-3 hours that he should be napping, praying he'll pass out from exhaustion and feeling like I should be doing something to get him to sleep. I am pretty sure this nap time refusal is a direct result of him losing his source of comfort in the crib. The milk made him lay down and be still in order to drink it, and before he could do anything about it, he was asleep. I'm hoping he will figure out a new way to calm himself down and put himself to sleep. I'm praying it's soon.

Because if it's not? I may well go crazy.

Well, yesterday afternoon, as I was driving home, he fell asleep in his car seat. And I swear I was so excited to see my kid sleeping that I parked the car and sat there until he woke up an hour later. And when he woke up? He was my angel child once again, not the limit-testing, whining, over-tired toddler who had come to visit for the past week.

I love naptime. Cohen needs naptime, even if he doesn't know it. And I'm not giving it up without a fight.

Reflections from a week without him

I alluded to it a little, but I didn't come right out and say it: my husband has been in Chicago for business since Sunday. I didn't want to shout to all the Internet that Hey! I'm all by myself with a toddler this week! Robbers and murderers come over! but it's been difficult not talking about it because there have been quite a few precious Cohen stories regarding daddy's trip.

Like how he says, "Daddy is in Cago. He ride in a airplane! It so so cool!"

Or how his first experience with snow just happened to be through a video chat with his daddy. And the fact that it was real snow and not just dinky Georgia snow? Awesome.

Anyway, this was the longest amount of time that Travis and I have been apart since before we got married 7 years ago. And it was tough. You don't realize how much you really like a person until they're not around.

Here's what I learned this week :

1. I find myself working extra hard to make the days more fun for Cohen. I don't want him to be sad that daddy's not here.

2. It really shocked me when I went to brush my teeth the first time and saw that his toothbrush was missing.

3. Every creak of the house sounds like an axe murderer is breaking in. The dogs are on permanent guard duty, and I keep reminding myself how to load a gun.

4. With daddy not around, things are much more relaxed, and our schedule is more like a suggestion rather than a rule. Apparently, he's the glue in this family.

5. When I have the bed to myself, I sleep on his side and use his pillow.

6. With the absence of Daddy, Cohen has become quite the snuggle bug. He requests to eat breakfast in the big bed each morning, and we snuggle under the covers for at least an hour. He asks for lots of snuggles throughout the day, too.

7. Midweek, I thought I was going to go mad with how energetic Cohen was. I either got used to it, or he mellowed out.

8. Travis and I have talked on the phone more in the past week than we have since we were dating.

9. We seem to miss each other most just before we go to bed. Most nights, around 11, one of us would text "you still awake?" which would lead to one last phone call of the day.

10. The ability to video chat has been a blessing. It's done my heart well to hear Cohen giggle with glee at the sight of his daddy.

The Most Heartwarming Story. Ever.

I don't think it's any surprise to anyone that I think my kid is the most adorable and coolest kid on the planet. If you ask me, I don't think you can get much better than him.

I think that's what makes this story so awesome.

Lately, I've been having major hot flashes and waves of feeling very light-headed. It happened this morning during Sunday School, and instead of suffering through an hour pretending I was fine, I decided to leave class and sit by the exit door of the church-- where it was much cooler.

It just so happens that I was sitting very close to Cohen's toddler Sunday School class, and I could overhear what was going on in that class. So I eavesdropped. Don't try to tell me you're not curious about what a 2 year old Sunday School class sounds like. I know I'm not the only one.

And what I heard come from that room? Made me so proud to be a part of my church and have my son in that class. His teachers were telling the children a Bible story. In between interjections of, "Cohen, come sit down." And "Ok, Cohen, come join us," (why was my kid the only one running around? lol) they shared the story of the lame man whose friends lowered him through the ceiling so he could be healed by Jesus.

Fast forward a few hours. We were all in the car, and I decided to quiz Cohen on some things I have never talked with him about, but I knew he was hearing in church.

Cohen, what is the Bible?
It's God's word, Mommy!!!

Cohen, who is Jesus?
Jesus is God's Son. He was a baby. He pooped. Everybody poops!

Where does Jesus live?
He lives right here, Mommy ! (Pointed to his heart).

Did you hear a story about a sick man today, Cohen?
Ummmmmm... Yea! He was sad. Jabber jabber jabber friends jabber jabber Jesus. He's happy now!

And that, my friends, is what came out of my 2 year old's mouth. I am so humbled and blessed tonight.

Thanks to all the preschool teachers who take their jobs seriously. I know it probably seems like those kids are just running around, and you're wasting your time trying to teach them. But today? It stuck. And I couldn't be more happy.

The Countdown Is On, But I'm Not Counting

I'm no good with numbers or figures, so I'll just say that somewhere in the span of this week, I made it to the 3rd trimester.

13 weeks to go until we expect our newest arrival.

By this point in my pregnancy with Cohen, I was more than ready to have him in my arms already. I was impatiently pregnant, counting down the weeks, days, hours until I could see his face and kiss his cheeks. With this baby, though? I'm feeling way more patient. In fact, I'm actually a bit bummed that I'm so far into this pregnancy already.

How weird am I?

The thing is, this time around, I know what's coming .. sort of. While there's no way I can anticipate life with the chaos of two children until I'm actually in the thick of it, I do know what to expect with having a newborn in the house -- and all that goes along with it. I have experience with that. And, if I'm honest, that experience is not all fluffy clouds and cotton candy. That experience tucks some anxiety and a bit of depression into the memory folds of newborn sleep squeaks and that sweet smell of new.

I think what caught me most off-guard in the weeks following Cohen's birth was the realization that the pregnancy was actually over. For someone who wished away the majority of those 9 months, I mourned them when they were gone. As much as I loved my new baby, I felt ... an emptiness?... I didn't expect.

And since this is our last planned pregnancy, I'm a little extra sensitive about those particular memories. I really, really don't want to have those same feelings again. I have truly enjoyed this pregnancy. I have savored every kick, every belly rumble, every Cohen/belly interaction -- because I know these moments are fleeting, and I'll never get them back. My biggest fear is finding myself 3 months down the road wishing I had enjoyed this time a little more... feeling that emptiness again.

I was watching A Baby Story a few weeks ago, and the new mother said something that struck me, particularly because I thought she expressed my feelings so completely and eloquently. She said this was her last pregnancy, and she was sad it was over -- not because she didn't want the baby yet, but because she knew it signaled the end of a chapter of her life -- the baby days would soon be over, and she'd never have them again. She said she knew she didn't want to have any more children, that in her head, she knew 3 was way more than she and her husband could handle, but her heart was a bit sad that this time was over.

Travis thought she was crazy. I was sitting dead-center in her Amen corner.  I knew exactly what she means. Do I want more than 2 children? No, I can't say that I do. Do I want to continue having many more years of the baby stage? No, in fact, I'm very excited when I think of my boys growing into kids and doing kid things. But acknowledging that the baby time of my life will soon be over? That does make me sad. It's the end of one part of my life and the beginning of another.

So what will I do? I will take lots of pictures. I will stop the everyday-ness of life to enjoy the little moments. I will make the most out of Cohen's last 3 months of being an only child. I will sniff my newborn whenever I want. I won't worry so much about schedules and routine and getting back to normal as soon as possible. I will remember to appreciate and enjoy Cohen's toddlerhood alongside the baby's infancy.

Because I only get this time once. And moments are fleeting.

For the Love of Chicken Nuggets

There's a rule around these parts that we tend to be pretty strict about: no snacks after dinner. Once dinner is over, you don't get anything else to eat or drink until breakfast the next morning, even if you are staaaaaarving because you let the dogs eat your food or you had a tantrum and threw your dinner on the floor.

Sometimes we fudge on that rule just a bit when Mommy gets an ice cream craving after Wednesday and Sunday night church. I mean, let's be real here.

Being true to his toddler self, Cohen typically tries to con me out of some gummies or Goldfish or apple sauce about an hour after dinner, and I'm proud to report that I am pretty hard-hearted toward the snack requests. But that don't stop the kid from trying.

Last night as we were driving home from church, Cohen began to ask for chicken nuggets. Then he began to beg for them. Then he began to cry and wail for them. Seriously, this kid needed some nuggets, man. In an effort to quiet him down, I reminded him that we don't eat snacks after dinner (hello tears), but that we could eat chicken nuggets for lunch tomorrow. From the back of the car, I heard a muffled Otay, Mommy, followed by some pretty pathetic sniffles.

I'm not even joking now: my kid woke up about 30 minutes earlier then he usually does, and the very first thing out of his mouth? CHICKEN NUGGETS, MOMMY! Luckily he is a boy who likes his routine, so he settled for his usual breakfast, but only after I promised 8472 times that we would have chicken nuggets for lunch.

I'll fast forward a few hours. We're getting ready to leave my midwife's office, and Cohen's excitement level is growing exponentially. He's telling every nurse and doctor and patient we pass that he's getting chicken nuggets for lunch. He's telling me to hurry as we walk through the parking lot. Boyfriend is ready.

Each time we approach and then pass a fast food restaurant, I hear, "Yay! Thank you, Mommy! Heeeeey ... Mommy, chicken nuggets! Back there!" In an effort to save some money, I've decided to cook some nuggets at home, so I let him know that's the plan, and he seems OK with that.

We get home; Cohen makes a beeline to the oven and demands that I turn it on. I open the freezer and begin to shift items around in there to find the bag of chicken nuggets. I begin to shift items a little more frantically My heart sinks.

We don't have any chicken nuggets.

I ask Cohen if he'd like a hot dog instead. NO MOMMY! I try to make a grilled cheese sandwich sound like the best idea ever. CHICKEN NUGGETS, MOMMY! He will not be swayed, and he's starting to realize his much-anticipated lunch is in serious danger.

Whimpers. Slumped shoulders and mopey walking. Giant tears. He is heartbroken, and I feel like the worst mother in the world. So I do what anyone else would do: I turn off the oven, put my kid back in the car, and I go buy my boy some chicken nuggets.

This momma is a total softie.

Another Boy -- my thoughts

The moment I found out I was pregnant with Cohen, I immediately hoped for a girl. I got sucked in to the hype of all the cute little girl clothes and accessories. And pink! And dolls! And and and! By the time I hit the second trimester, however, I was more than convinced that he was a boy. I could just feel it. I'm pretty sure that if I didn't already have those suspicions, I would have been pretty disappointed when we found out his sex. And that makes me feel horrible now because I just love that little guy so much. But at the time? I really thought I wanted a little girl.

So when we found out we were expecting a new baby, of course I thought about whether it'd be a boy or girl. I thought about it a lot. Probably because Cohen insisted that it was a little sister (he was also pretty adamant about there being "two babies" in there, so thankfully he's not a clairvoyant). Maybe because everyone's first question after they learned our news was, "Are you hoping for a girl?"

Honestly, after nearly a year of hoping and praying for this baby, I just wanted a baby. I didn't care if it had six toes on one foot, I wanted it. I recently came across a blog post that I never completed. I don't know where I was headed with it, but I think it illustrates perfectly where I was at (I wrote it about a month before I found out I was pregnant):

Today is August 8, 2012 ... 2 days shy of Cohen turning 21 months old and exactly 10 months since we started trying to get pregnant with Baby #2.
I don't kid myself: 10 months is not a terribly long time to try for a baby. I know of women and have heard stories of women who went years without conceiving. Some were never able to become pregnant. So I know that 10 months really is just a drop in the bucket in the grand scheme. But 10 months ... 10 cycles ... 10 "failures"... 10 disappointments... they have a way digging at your heart.
With Cohen, it took us 7 months, and looking back, I wouldn't trade it for anything, even though each negative test broke my heart then as much as they do now. Why? Because I have Cohen, and he's more than I could ever deserve. And what if I got pregnant on month 4? I wouldn't have Cohen. I try to remind myself of this fact daily, especially when I'm feeling particularly beaten down. God has a plan, and if His plan is for me to have another child, then He will give me the perfect child for me. That time just hasn't come yet.
During this time of waiting, I've learned a very important truth: God doesn't bless other people to punish me. Since the first negative pregnancy test back in October, I have congratulated 12 other women on their pregnancies. I won't lie, at first it hurt (it still hurts). More than anything, I felt sorry for myself. Why do they get a baby and I don't? But as time goes by and I draw closer to the Lord, I begin to understand that their pregnancies are not meant to punish me. God loves me too much for that. He knows my heart, my desires, my wounds, and my fears. He knows me better than I know myself. And His plan for me is perfect, even when I don't understand it or like it or want it.

Very early in this second pregnancy, I once again developed an overwhelming feeling that he was a boy. And you know what? I was super happy about it, right from the start. Cohen will have a brother, a playmate, a best friend. When I daydream about the future, I envision my boys playing trains and trucks and building forts together. I see days filled with baseball practices and games. Bikes and dirt and grass stains. I see the teenage years where I complain about them sleeping all day and eating all the food in the house. I pray they grow into men of God.

I cannot wait for this house full of boys. I know that it is what the Lord has prepared for me, and I welcome it. And honestly? Now that I am on this path, the thought of a daughter seems foreign to me. I remember a comment someone made when I found out Cohen was a boy: "You seem like a boy mom." Back then, I didn't understand what that meant or how special that was. But now? I'm starting to see. A boy mom. A woman God picked to raise boys into men.

 I can think of no more honorable job than that.

WWSD? Not what I did.

There's this woman at my church. I've watched her for a while now -- the way she parents her children, how she reacts to her children, how she disciplines. She's kind of my hero.

 I guess you could call it a mom-crush.

The thing I admire most about her is the way she always maintains her calm when you just know everything in her wants to be anything but calm. Her children are well-disciplined and they respect her, but I've never seen her over-react. I've never heard her raise her voice. Her look alone usually melts her children into submission.

I want to be just like her.

I often find myself in the middle of difficult mom situations asking, "What would she do?" and if I'm honest, it's usually the opposite of what I want to do. And most times? I fail. I allow myself to get frustrated and I react accordingly. Like yesterday.

Yesterday had failure written all over it from the start. When I fixed Cohen's breakfast, I used up all the milk. I knew I had until 1:30 to get us to the grocery store so I could have milk by his naptime, but honestly? I just felt too lazy. So I put off the grocery store as long as I could, even considering giving Cohen apple juice for his nap.

By the time noon rolled around, Cohen was showing me all the signs that he was getting ready for his nap. And I was still unshowerd, undressed, and unmotived to get that milk. After a meltdown over a missing sock and a mini-tantrum involving a thrown monster truck, I decided it was time. I brushed my teeth, put on a hat, and pack up my kid to go to the store. And that's when Cohen decided he did not want to get in his carseat.

We're talking trying to throw himself out of my arms. Screaming. Crying. Fighting me every step of the way until I finally lost my cool. He was in his carseat, arching his back and attempting to slide out as I was trying to get the harness on him. I snapped. Instead of walking away to breathe, I pushed his head back against the seat and raised my voice at him. Not cool. His heart was broken and I felt guilty immediately.

Cohen screamed at the top of his lungs for the first half of the trip. Each time he screamed, I could do nothing but roll down his window and let the shock of cold air stun him until he quieted down. Once he quieted and I had calmed down, I began to explain to him through his whimpers that I knew he was sleepy and hungry and sad. And I was sorry that I got mad at him. But he could not yell and scream at me, ever. He responded with lots of "Otay, Mommy. No screaming." and more whimpers that would lead to more crying.

About 10 minutes in, I asked him what would make him feel better. After all, we had a grocery store to get through, and I was not looking forward to it. He whimpered, "A milkshake, Mommy."

Ok, kid, I'll get you a milkshake.

And you know what? After that, he was back to old Cohen. No more whimpers or tears or screams or kicks. He got his milkshake, and I got a happy kid all the way through the grocery store and back home again.

Being a mom is hard, y'all. It's a constant battle of emotions, of second-guessing myself, of overwhelming feelings of guilt and failure. I want so badly to be a good and loving mother to my children; I pray daily for the wisdom I need to raise my boys the way God wants me to. I know He will bless that. I know there is grace with the Lord when I screw up, just like there was grace when I apologized to my son for acting in anger.

But, I still can't help but wonder: What Would She Have Done??

Toddler Talk

It could just be because I'm his momma and think he hung the moon, but I seriously think everything Cohen says is hilarious.

This age is tons of fun -- not so much for the boundary testing and tantrums, but for being able to sit back and watch my child play with words and figure out how to get those thoughts in his head out into the world. Toddlers are silly people, I tell you.

Cohen says so many things that catch me off guard or make me giggle or tear up, and I catch myself making a mental note to remember what he just said forever. But that's not working too well for me these days. Seems I'm forgetting everything. So I figured I'd use this space to record some of the best things that come out of my kid's mouth, and I'd love to hear about the silly things that your kids say as well!
_________________________________________________________________________________

In the grocery store, after I had just put a package of toilet paper in the cart:

Cohen: What's that?
Mommy: That's toilet paper. We use it when we go potty.
Cohen: Daddy goes potty.
Mommy: Yes, he does.
Cohen (loudy): Daddy poops!
Mommy (laughing): Yes, Daddy poops.
Cohen (as we passed by each stranger in the store for the rest of our shopping trip): Hi! Daddy poops!
_________________________________________________________________________________

At our evening prayers one night after being at church with his friend, Ava:

Cohen: Dear Jesus, thank you for Ava. Ava take my Goldfish. Ava take my juice. Ava take my car. Daddy take my football. Amen.

Makes me glad I didn't do anything to cross him that day so he didn't have anything about me to tattle to Jesus.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Cohen: More snack, Mommy?
Mommy: It's all gone. You ate it all.
Cohen: More snack?
Mommy: It's all in your belly.
Cohen (lifting up his shirt and looking at his stomach): No snack,just baby.
_________________________________________________________________________________

After singing 4 rounds of If You're Happy and You Know It, I had run out of ways to keep the song going, so Cohen picked it up:

Cohen: If you're happy and you know it ... shake your hiney! (followed by some very skillful low-to-the-ground booty shaking).
_________________________________________________________________________________

At bath time, I dropped a bath fizzy into the bath. We usually have fun with the fizzies because they turn the water different colors. This night, we used a yellow bath fizzy:

Cohen: Bath time! Bath time!
Mommy: What color is the water tonight, Cohen?
Cohen: Pee pee.

Cohen is 21 Months Old!

Dear Cohen,

12 days ago, you turned 21 months old. I cannot believe I let that day pass me by. I feel like each day with you is filled with so much fun, but those days are over before I know it. And then I find myself 12 days after your 21 month-day wondering where that past month went.

Gosh, kid, you are so much fun. I never thought a toddler could bring such excitement and happiness to my life, but that is exactly what you do. Your energy and curiosity brings such life to any situation. Your smile softens even the hardest faces that pass by. Your sweet raspy voice exclaiming "Hi!" to every stranger makes them stop in their tracks and return your greeting.

You are quick to make friends -- both with kids and adults. Your friendliness never ceases to amaze me. You must get it from your daddy because I certainly am not comfortable approaching strangers and striking up a conversation the way you are. It's just one more way you are such a perfect kid -- you teach me. You have a group of best friends, and you love playing with them. When I tell you we are going to go play, you immediately ask, "Ukas (Lucas)? Why-der (Ryder)? Oooie (Zoe)?" You want to play with them every day, all day. When we go to the park, you are very patient with younger kids, but all of your attention is devoted to the Big Kids. You want to be just like them. If they climb up a wall, you're determined to do it, too. If they flip over a bar, you try your best to flip.



Your vocabulary exploded in the past few months. Exploded. You surprise me with all the things you say and how you can string words into complete sentences. And it's just crazy to me that you pretty much understand everything we say to you. We have legit conversations, kid. Sometimes I talk, sometimes you talk. And you remember the things we talk about. It blows my mind. People comment all the time about how well you use words and how you can communicate. I am very proud of you.

You still can't say "sheep" correctly (and I still think it's hilarious), and recently you've started saying "boo bus" when you see a school bus. Those are my favorite. You call our dog Harvey "Rarvey". You know all your animals, you know the difference between football and baseball (and to Daddy's delight, you are obsessed with baseball), you can count to 10, you can sing the ABC song (you don't get all the letters, but you know the tune!), and you are working hard to learn your colors. And every day you surprise me with something else you know.

Singing is one of your favorite things to do, and you know many songs. Your favorite songs are Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Deep and Wide. Most of the other songs you sing will somehow morph into those 2 songs. Our church lets the babies sing on Sunday nights, and you love that. Whenever we go to church, you walk right into the sanctuary and sit on your little step and wait to sing, even when it's not time to sing yet. I love your enthusiasm and sweet spirit. You really are such a gift.

You're still a great little eater, although some days you go on meat strikes. You still love your bananas and nutrigrain bars. You love pretzles and Goldfish crackers and graham crackers. You will eat anything with cheese on it, and you eat ketchup with a spoon. You want anything I'm eating, and you will drink a gallon of water if it's in my cup (if it's in your cup, you could care less about it). You love juice, and you're crazy about your milk.

You are an affectionate little boy. You love to snuggle sit in my lap. You give some of the best hugs I've ever had. Your little arms wrap around my neck so tightly and perfectly, it makes me melt. You love kisses. You love it when I attack you with kisses -- you bunch up into a little ball and squeal. You usually only give bye-bye or night-night kisses, but sometimes, out of the blue, you'll kiss me when we're playing. Talk about turning me into a giant pile of mush.

You are very attached to your family. You love your "Mamama" (grandmama) and "Annnn-daddy" (grandaddy) to pieces. You look for them when we go to church, and you get the biggest smile on your little face when you see them (they give you chocolate milk and pancakes with syrup!). You get so excited when I tell you you're going to visit Nana and Papa and Tori and Drew and GGMa. You never want to leave when we visit with family. You fit right in and make yourself right at home, and it makes me wonder how we all managed to live life with you.

Every day I thank God for giving you to me. I don't know why He thought I deserve someone as precious as you, but I am so thankful He did.  You are a joy, and every day with you is the best day I've ever had. I love your laugh, I love your big blue eyes, I love who you are. I love how happy you are, how busy you are, how loving you are. I love the way your little hand reaches up to find mine when you're not too sure of a situation. I love how my heart feels like it's about to explode every time you smile. I love you, little boy. So very much.

 

Until next month,

Mama

Things I Never Want To Forget

How he climbs in my lap and gets right in my face and says, "Hi!"
How he does not like his hands to be dirty.
How music makes him dance.
How he rests his head on my shoulder when his heart is broken.
How he will start off singing one song and finish it with "twinkle staaaaar."
How he counts to eight but always skips the number six.
How excited he gets to see his grandparents.
How ketchup makes everything taste good.
How he owns over 200 cars but still has a favorite one.
How he says "Ready, set, go!" to initiate tickles or snuggles or wrestling.
How he sounds like the birds from Finding Nemo when he says "More? More? More?"
How he wants a bite of whatever I'm eating.
How he climbs in my lap to read a book.
How he lets me hold him while we watch Yo Gabba Gabba.
How anticipating a tickle is almost as fun as the tickle itself.
How he grabs my face with both hands when he gives kisses.
How milk makes him sleepy.
How, at the sound of the garage door opening, he starts yelling, "Daddy!"
How he says, "Hi!" to every stranger we pass.
How, when strangers talk to him, he points to me and says, "Mamma."
How soft and raspy his little voice sounds.
How he snorts when he laughs (just like me).
How innocent he is and how sweet his eyes are.
How his smiles light up his entire face.
How curious he is about everything.
The way my heart feels like it will explode when he wraps his arms around me for a hug.

I'm About To Talk About Poop

Alright, there you have it. Consider the title of this post a warning. We'll be discussing all things potty today, so if you're not into that kind of thing, you might want to slowly back out now. It's ok -- I'll totally understand.

As Cohen inches closer to 2 years old, I'm starting to think about some of the things we'll be exposed to in the near future. Potty training is on the forefront. And that terrifies me (I'm really fighting the urge to type scares the crap out of me because obviously I'm a 9 year old boy and find that hilarious). Honestly, most of Cohen's developmental milestones have scared me. I don't know if it's just that Cohen is changing up our normal or what, but starting solds? crawling? walking? Yeah, they all had me sweating bullets.

I also think that because he's reached these milestones so early, I've had less time to prepare for them than I'd like. And I'll be the very first to tell you: I am NOT ready for potty training. Not in the least bit. We actually have a potty, but I hide it because I just don't want to think about it. Not yet.

So you can imagine the dread that rises in my chest each time Cohen does or says something to suggest that he's becoming more aware of his elimination and less patient with his diapers. Because I just know that he's getting one step closer to potty training. And I'm not there yet. Not because it means my child is growing up and leaving babyhood in his dust. No, I'm fine with that (most days). I'm just genuinely scared of the potty training process. And diapers are so easy. (I'm reminded that I said the same exact thing about bottles when we first started feeding him solids. "It's a daunting idea to know that once we start with solids, I'll actually have to feed this baby multiple times a day. Bottles are just so easy.")

My plan is to be open to potty training by the time Cohen turns 2 and really start to freak out if he's not trained by his third birthday. I've always heard that summertime is the best time to potty train as you can just stay outside with you naked child for a few days while you work on potty training. If he has an accident, it's not a big deal (and nothing the dogs haven't done for the past 5 years).

Ultimately, I want to start training at the perfect time for him. I don't want to start too early and have this be a source of frustration and confusion, but I also don't want to miss the cues and have him still in diapers when he's clearly ready for the potty. I'd imagine that would be just as confusing and frustrating. So I guess right now I'm just trying to figure out when is the perfect time for him. Although, I have a good idea that when it's time, we'll all sort of ... know. That's how it's been with all the other milestones, at least.

As of today, here are the clues Cohen is giving to show me he's inching closer to potty training:

• he will take off-- or try to take off-- his diaper when it's dirty
• if there's poop in his diaper, he won't think twice about putting his hand back there and pulling it out
• if he's pooped and I ask him about it, he'll point to his diaper and say "Poop."
• we have given his anatomy a name, and he identifies it by it's name
• while he is peeing, he will occaisionally point to his diaper and say "Pee pee."
• he is very interested in what's behind his diaper
• he is very interested in the potty and waching us use it
• he is extremely responsive to praise and will do almost anything to get it

Here are the clues I'm waiting to see from Cohen before I start wondering if it's really time:

• I want to see him upset that he's got a dirty diaper
• I want him to request diaper changes (currently he runs away when I get a diaper and wipes)
• I want him to get a little older and able to hold a conversation a little better
• I want him to associate the potty with "poop" and "pee pee"
• I want him to realize that he's about to eliminate and show the signs more consistently