Like, a first one through the door Black Friday shopper. A make my list a week before the big event Black Friday shopper. A Black Friday turned Black Thanksgiving Black ... er, you get the point.
And you want to know the kicker? I never go for the big ticket items. I've never bought a TV or a laptop or even a camera.Nope, that's not my style. I go for, well, the pointless items. And the fun. Because, I'm telling you, that is the most fun few hours of the entire year.
So let me just paint you a scene:
Walmart, 8PM. The parking lot is a ghost town. We march through the front doors, grab our store maps, and scope out the place.
8:15PM, we decide to split up. Travis takes the $1.28 towels and $20 600 TC sheets section, and I decide to camp out about 20 yards away at the $6 bath mat and $6.98 microfiber sheet section.
8:40 PM, my mother in law joins Travis at the sheets and large crowds have already circled around the goods. My section looked pretty harmless: I had prime real estate, I had already laid claim to 2 sets of sheets and a bath mat. 20 yards away, it wasn't looking so good. I called Travis and told him to forget getting us the sheets, just protect his mom. He's angry and keeps clenching his jaw. Crowds aren't his thing.
8:45PM, a lady joins our mix. She decides to take some sheets and make a run for it. A worker who had been monitoring us chases her down and makes her put the sheets back. This has been her warning, next time she'll be escorted out by police. She cusses out the worker.
8:50PM, the worker and a manager are now hovering over us. Crowd has gotten bigger. My hands now permanently rested on my goods. 20 yards away, it's looking bad, and my husband and mother-in-law are in the middle of it.
8:55PM, I tell the people around me, "If any of y'all hit me, I'm swinging back." I'm only half-way joking. A man standing next to me tells me the story of how a man in a wheelchair got flipped over last year. I'm scared now.
8:56PM, police presence. People are getting mean. I really want to run away. Travis's face is bright red now.
9:03PM, another mob an aisle down begins ripping through the plastic that holds the $6 tupperware. Workers are freaking out, but there are just too many people, and they can't do much. I hear someone yell, "GO!" people starting grabbing whatever they can find and run. I stand there, dumbfounded, watching the store manager for permission. Always a rule follower, even in a mob. Manager turns around and walks away; I look over at my husband-- he's passing out sheets and towels. I take my loot and head out as quickly as possible. I can't stop giggling.
9:05PM, we find an empty aisle in sporting goods to camp out. Travis stays with our 2 cartfulls of stuff while we head back into the madness. Mother in law goes for the toys, I head for the movies. Same scenario happens at the $1.98 movie station at 9:53PM. I make out like a bandit.
We make our way to the front of the store, and by 11:15PM, we're headed out to the cars. We meet up with Travis's brother who had been camped out for hours outside Best Buy to get his goods. Quick fuel-up at Waffle House, and we're in Kohl's 2 minutes past the midnight opening. Travis immediately gets in the checkout line while I do my shopping. I load up on tons of baby goods, and we're out in 20 minutes. We do the same thing at Target, Belk, and Old Navy.
4:30AM, everyone has bloodshot eyes, and we're all a little slaphappy. We decide to call it a morning an head home.