1. I did not give the boy over to his grandparents on Friday night so Travis and I could have a real dinner with real adults. I was not giddy about the whole idea.
2. I did not go to said dinner and stuff my face. I would never eat 2 appetizers, a salad, 2 biscuits, an entree, and a dessert. I did not make the classy comment towards the end of dinner that I needed to unbutton my pants.
3. When my husband got up to go to the restroom at dinner, I did not announce to the entire table that he has a tiny bladder. It did not embarrass him. He did not seek sweet revenge when my bladder suddenly shrank a couple sizes and I had to visit the little girl's room 3 times in less than 15 minutes. My new nickname now is not Suzy Smallbladder.
4. When dada offered to take over morning baby duty on Saturday morning so I could sleep in, I was not over-the-moon excited. When he and the boy were a little too loud and woke me up, I did not come downstairs and moan and complain about how loud they were being. And you know I did not go back upstairs and sleep until 11:30. 11:30, y'all.
5. I did not knock my husband out while whipping my hair back and forth(seriously, he did not fall to the ground unconscious for a few seconds). And even if I did, I would never laugh hysterically at the situation and share the story to our students on Sunday.
6. I do not have awesome family who love my baby almost as much as I do (OK, you got me there, I really do). They did not take the boy home with them on Saturday evening so Travis and I could have another baby-free evening.
7. We did not enter the evening with romantic plans which soon turned into clean-the-house plans which ultimately ended in lay-in-bed-and-watch-House-Hunters plans (both of the domestic and international variety).
8. I did not roll my mother-in-law's hand up in the car window while we were in the church parking lot.